why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
