I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
third nipple confirmed
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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