PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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