you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
