Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
