Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize