So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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