I think I died a long time ago.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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