So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
