i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
