there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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