I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
