great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
