4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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