What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
