what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
