Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
