Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
