I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
