just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
