You don't have asthma, your pregnant
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.