I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
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just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips