you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We talked him into tasing himself.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.