you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
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Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
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You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.