I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
