My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
