i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
