they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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