Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize