I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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