I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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