his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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