Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
