After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
