he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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