Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
