one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize