i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
