i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
