this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
