She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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