I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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