Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
