You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
