census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
