i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
