I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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