...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
