What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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