It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
