Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It's Friday. Sex?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
