I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
