Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
