Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
