I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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