Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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