I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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