the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
