i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
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You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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