I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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