fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
